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Marriage Workbook

By Craig Caster

APPENDIX E – WORKSHEET

EFFECTIVE LISTENING SELF-EVALUATION WORKSHEET

Complete the Loving Communication Self-Evaluation to help you become more aware of your listening habits. Answer each question thoughtfully and honestly, then discuss as a couple.

This homework should be completed each time there is unloving communication between a husband and wife, until the understanding is complete and the practice of forgiveness and reconciliation becomes a regular part of the relationship.

 

Communicating Knowledge and Attitudes

1.   Do you tune-out your spouse when you agree with him/her or don’t want to hear?

2.   Do you concentrate on what is being said even if you are not really interested?

3.   Do you assume you know what your spouse is going to say and stop listening?

4.   Do you repeat in your own words what your spouse has just said?

5.   Do you listen to your spouse’s viewpoint, even if it differs from yours?

6.   Do you remain open to learning something from them, even if it seems insignificant?

7.   Do you find out what words mean when they are used in ways not familiar to you?

8.   Do you form a rebuttal in your head while your spouse is still talking?

9.   Do you give the appearance of listening when you are not?

10. Do you daydream when your spouse is talking?

11. Do you listen for main ideas, not just facts?

12. Do you recognize that words don’t always mean the same thing to different people?

13. Do you listen to only what you want to hear, blotting out your spouse’s whole message?

14. Do you look at your spouse when he/she is speaking?

15. Do you concentrate on your spouse’s meaning rather than how he/she looks?

16. Do you know which words and phrases you tend to respond to defensively or resentfully?

17. Do you think about what you want to accomplish with your communication?

18. Do you plan the best time to say what you want to say?

19. Do you think about how your spouse might react to what you say?

20. Do you consider the best way to communicate (written, spoken, and/or the timing)?

21. Do you always care about your spouse’s emotional condition when speaking to him/her (if he/she is stressed, sad, worried, hostile, disinterested, rushed, angry, etc.)?

22. Do you adjust your communication to your spouse’s personality?

23. Do you assume that your spouse knows and understands what you are communicating or have communicated to him/her?

24. Do you allow your spouse to respectfully vent negative feelings toward you without becoming defensive?

25. Do you regularly make efforts to increase your listening efficiency?

26. Do you take notes when necessary to help you remember?

27. Do you listen closely without being distracted by surroundings and/or children?

28. Do you listen to your spouse without judging or criticizing?

29. Do you restate instructions and messages to be sure you understand correctly?

30. Do you listen to your spouse with preconceived assumptions or attitudes?

31. Do you take responsibility for your part in the unloving communication by asking the Lord and your spouse to forgive you?

32. Do you discuss with your children any difficulties you are having with your spouse?

Note:  Make sure you complete both pages of this self-evaluation.  

 

Effective Listening Self-Evaluation Scoring Index

Select the number that represents the category you checked on each item of the Effective Listening Self-Evaluation.

1.   Do you tune-out your spouse when you agree with him/her or don’t want to hear?

2.   Do you concentrate on what is being said even if you are not really interested?

3.   Do you assume you know what your spouse is going to say and stop listening?

4.   Do you repeat in your own words what your spouse has just said?

5.   Do you listen to your spouse’s viewpoint, even if it differs from yours?

6.   Do you remain open to learning something from them, even if it seems insignificant?

7.   Do you find out what words mean when they are used in ways not familiar to you?

8.   Do you form a rebuttal in your head while your spouse is still talking?

9.   Do you give the appearance of listening when you are not?

10. Do you daydream when your spouse is talking?

11. Do you listen for main ideas, not just facts?

12. Do you recognize that words don’t always mean the same thing to different people?

13. Do you listen to only what you want to hear, blotting out your spouse’s whole message?

14. Do you look at your spouse when he/she is speaking?

15. Do you concentrate on your spouse’s meaning rather than how he/she looks?

16. Do you know which words and phrases you tend to respond to defensively or resentfully?

17. Do you think about what you want to accomplish with your communication?

18. Do you plan the best time to say what you want to say?

19. Do you think about how your spouse might react to what you say?

20. Do you consider the best way to communicate (written, spoken, and/or the timing)?

21. Do you always care about your spouse’s emotional condition when speaking to him/her (if he/she is stressed, sad, worried, hostile, disinterested, rushed, angry, etc.)?

22. Do you adjust your communication to your spouse’s personality?

23. Do you assume that your spouse knows and understands what you are communicating or have communicated to him/her?

24. Do you allow your spouse to respectfully vent negative feelings toward you without becoming defensive?

25. Do you regularly make efforts to increase your listening efficiency?

26. Do you take notes when necessary to help you remember?

27. Do you listen closely without being distracted by surroundings and/or children?

28. Do you listen to your spouse without judging or criticizing?

29. Do you restate instructions and messages to be sure you understand correctly?

30. Do you listen to your spouse with preconceived assumptions or attitudes?

31. Do you take responsibility for your part in the unloving communication by asking the Lord and your spouse to forgive you?

32. Do you discuss with your children any difficulties you are having with your spouse?

GRAND TOTAL

110-120:   Superior Listener

99-109:   Above Average Listener

88-98:   Average Listener

77-87:   Fair Listener

<77:   Poor to Very Poor Listener

We have also included a companion worksheet, Improve Your Loving Communication Habits in the Appendices for your edification. This should be used  along with the self-evaluation worksheet when you see unloving communication being exhibited.

Remember: a true disciple of Christ is not simply trying to acquire intellectual knowledge; a true disciple invests himself/herself to learn and to live according to the principles God teaches in his Word. Your investment in learning and living according to the principles God reveals to you through this material will transform your life as God desires.

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